Struggling to Move On
by howboring
Summary: Yokozawa is heartbroken and Yuu tries to settle his feelings for Chiaki. That's when they meet each other's and then begins struggling to move on. Can they and do they have will to really make it?
1. Chapter 1

**Struggling to move on**

**Summary:** The fic starts when Yuu and Yokozawa are in the same situation where the men they like love other guys. Yokozawa is heartbroken and Yuu tries to settle his feelings for Chiaki (kinda heartbroken too). That's when they meet each other's and then begins the Struggling to move on. Can they and do they have will to really make it?

_This was weird. Even Yokozawa had a love life - and apparently heartbreaks as well. It was difficult to think that someone as cold and restrained as the man had any notable feelings or emotions inside him..._

**Beta: **yup I have

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sekaiichi Hatsukoi

**A/N:** Hiya there ! This is the first story I publish in here… and hopefully not the last ! I began to write this before_ I got to know about Kirishima who is kind of perfect D: But well, even though that man appeared, in my opinion it works between Yuu & Yokozawa too. When I was writing this I noticed that they like each other's pretty much 8))))

23.2.  
>I promised to add the betaed version here and here it is !<p>

It took long time from us to fix this up... My beta pointed out one big problem which was that I had written Yuu working for Takano and Marukawa, but it isn't actually the case, because he works for the mangakas, for example for Chiaki. Another thing which we were thinking on was the timeline, because Yuu & Yokozawa's lives must be placed on a same timeline. Sekaiichi's timeline is pretty messed up F_F So:

**THE TIMELINE:**

This page was really helpful: forums . mangafox . com /threads/344172-Unofficial-Timeline

The fic takes place on February when Yokozawa confessed Takano & was rejected. For Yuu it is after the anime episode where he and Chiaki were in the hot springs. (Yuu's story is based on anime, because there isn't information of him in manga.)

I hope you'll enjoy !

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><p><strong>Chapter one<br>**

The long day had finally come to an end.

Yuu Yanase sighed contentedly and stood up from his chair, stretching his arms and groaning at the pain which radiated from his back up through his whole body. His butt had gotten numb so he was glad he could leave now. Why had the day felt so tiring even though he had just started working on the new manga volume? Maybe he was just getting old. Or maybe not, because he was only in his twenties.

He picked up the pages he had earlier finished drawing and left the lonely room. Its atmosphere had started to feel slightly gloomy and that had started to affect his mood. Yuu began to make his way through to the studio where he was supposed to help Chiaki with the toning process.

While walking he eyed the pages and as always, his thoughts began to turn towards Chiaki. That was the downside of working with him but despite that Yuu never wanted to quit being his main assistant.

They hadn't seen each other since their trip to the hot springs. He was wondering whether he should visit him now, or if it was alright to. Yuu didn't want to avoid his forever – which may have been what he was doing – even if he was a little hurt and disappointed. Yuu had decided that he would act like nothing had happened when he met Chiaki again. He was planning to give him some time to think about things because he didn't want to feel like he was harassing Chiaki... And he wasn't sure what Chiaki thought of his 'confession' - the other man was a little dense sometimes.

Yuu remembered the trip with bitterness because Chiaki hadn't answered him; he had just apologized and hurried to look for Hatori. "I'll owe you one now," he had said. Chiaki had probably realized that he shouldn't be spending his birthday with his friend but his boyfriend.

He wondered if Chiaki thought he was just drunkenly babbling confessions, after all, they had drunk a considerable amount of sparkling wine that night. Yuu's intention had been to get him drunk so he could convince Chiaki to sleep with him.

He wouldn't seriously have gone that far.

Maybe.

The fact that Chiaki probably thought Yuu's words were all said under the influence of alcohol or in a fit of momentary insanity wasn't that good of a thing because Yuu wanted Chiaki to know his feelings for the mangaka were serious, and show him how deep they were. Well, that sounded cheesy.

Chiaki had always been so genuine and Yuu loved his blue, innocent eyes, big, puffy lips and that very perfect ass, too.

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><p>Yuu couldn't believe Chiaki's fax machine had broken down and what's more: he couldn't believe he was the one who had been forced to come down all the way to Marukawa to hand the file in himself. Why couldn't Hatori have just come over and picked up the things? It was his own fault that he couldn't finish his work on time, and Yuu had to suffer for that. The only reason, he reminded himself, he did this was because it was <em>Chiaki<em> who had asked him to.

Despite that, he whistled happily while he went to turn the lights off in the room. The reason for his happiness was that he was finally going to get to bed and have some sleep. He so loved that feeling where he could throw himself on top of the bed, spread out his tired limbs and straighten his aching back.

Perhaps he could have a sleepover with Chiaki at the other man's place. Or not, because Chiaki would probably not warm up to the idea after the trip so it would probably be just a quick visit. Hopefully Hatori wouldn't be there.

A refreshing cool breeze welcomed Yuu and swept stray strands of hair from his sweaty forehead as he stepped out. Was it too late to see Chiaki? What time was it anyway? Yuu reached his hand to search for his phone towards his bag but it grasped at nothing. He must have forgotten his bag inside. A discontented huff escaped from his mouth.

Yuu strode back inside and pushed the elevator's button harshly, though of course, it didn't help the elevator come down any faster.

The same brutalising of the button was repeated once again inside the lift. After thoroughly mashing the button Yuu began to restlessly tap his foot on the floor. The lift made a strange little whining sound while going up. Yuu didn't usually pay attention to such things, but now that he was alone he noticed it. The lift slowed down and made a clinging noise which told that someone else was coming in.

The person who came in was Yokozawa Takafumi from one of the Marukawa's sections. Yuu nodded at him politely. He had seen the man at a few parties before, but hadn't really talked to him. The man emitted unfriendly aura so Yuu hadn't approached him on his own accord.

"Are you going to work?" Yokozawa asked.

"Nope, I just forgot my bag up there," Yuu said. "And you, working overtime?"

"Unfortunately, yes. I hope I can be home before its morning", Yokozawa answered tiredly. He hesitated a bit but then asked: "Have you seen Takano? I mean, Takano Masamune?"

Eh, how the hell would he know where Takano was? Maybe it was because there were only a few people working at the time like this.

"No idea, I've been stuck working in a studio for the whole day."

The polite conversation stopped there, because Yokozawa was a man who worked in the same industry as him, and who just happened to be riding the same elevator as him now.

"Ahnn..."

Yuu's eyebrows jumped so high they brushed past his hairline. The lift had reached its destination and Yuu was sure he was hearing muffled moans and groans behind the doors of the lift.

"Ah... Haa... Ha... get off! Mmhnnh... Where are you putting your hands! _A-Ah!"_

Yuu grinned and waited excitedly for the doors to open. Somebody's back thumped against the lift.

"Resisting is pointless..." a deep voice purred. "Ritsu..."

The doors opened and the person whose back had been pressed against them yelped and began to fall backwards. Yuu was right behind him and caught the person who appeared to be Onodera Ritsu.

"Uh, huh?" Ritsu made a confused noise and bent his head backwards to face the person whose arms he had fallen into.

"Good evening", Yuu nodded to Ritsu and then to Takano who was standing right in front of them. Takano didn't look nearly as astonished as Ritsu, but on the other hand, it was only normal that you couldn't read the man's thoughts just by looking at his face. But Yuu hadn't missed the small flash of jealousy which was probably caused by Ritsu being trapped in Yuu's embrace. Ritsu's cheeks were beet red and his brownish hair was all ruffled up; Yuu was sure those lips were a little swollen.

"Good evening," Takano greeted him like there wasn't anything odd about the situation.

Yuu didn't have any time to waste and he was also dead tired. He got straight to the point. "So... This must belong to you," Yuu smirked. He took Ritsu by his shoulders and handed the still puzzled man over to Takano. Takano nodded with satisfaction but Ritsu didn't look as pleased.

"You are mistaken," Ritsu said, having got a grasp of the situation. His blush was somewhat more noticeable than before. "Good night everyone!" Ritsu bowed deeply, turned away and left.

"Onodera!" Takano called after him. He turned towards Yuu, who was trying to stifle his laughter, with hands on his mouth: "It would be good if you stayed quiet about this." He sounded slightly apologetic.

Takano left to chase after Ritsu down the corridor. It seemed to Yuu that Takano looked exhausted, poor man. But the case with Onodera Ritsu was interesting.

Half way down the corridor, Takano turned to look back. "Oh, and hi Yokozawa, let's keep in touch!" He waved his hand and continued running. Yuu wondered whether Takano would reach Ritsu in time.

The person next to Yuu mumbled, "Yeah, let's."

Yuu had completely forgotten about his earlier lift-companion and he glanced again at Yokozawa. Only a moment ago the man had said that he was looking for Takano but then now, he had just barely greeted the guy and nothing else. Yuu studied the other's face and pondered if the he had known about Takano and Ritsu's relationship but Yokozawa hadn't seemed too surprised.

In Yuu's opinion, the situation had been extremely amusing, because he would never had expected Takano to murmur seductive words towards Ritsu, and the latter's resisting was like straight out of Chiaki's shoujo manga- add to that the fact that Yuu had been working on it that very day. More specifically, his lines were similar to a _female _character's. "No way, maybe, yes!"

Yokozawa's lips were curved down into a frown and his eyebrows were wrinkled. His eyes were followed Takano as long as they could. Yokozawa snorted – who knew why – when Emerald's editor-in-chief turned around a corner and disappeared.

It seemed that Yokozawa too had forgotten about his companion's existence and didn't realize Yuu was standing there till he tore his eyes away from the corridor. Their eyes wandered to meet each other.

Yuu pursed his lips together and tried to explore Yokozawa's face. The taller man's eyes looked faded and the paleness on his face made them seem even hazier. Yokozawa looked like he was ill, like he was feeling awful. Yuu wondered whether it was seeing Takano and Ritsu that seemed to unnerve Yokozawa. Yuu tried his best to make sense of the man's expression, but the natural blank look on his face made it tough. Yuu shifted back to look at the grey-blue orbs _- that was a good move_, because apparently the emotions were hiding there. Those eyes seemed to hold a lot of anger and a deep sense of hopelessness.

So _that_ was the case.

Sometimes, when Chiaki had been an idiot, Yuu would look into the mirror and stare at his own hazelnut eyes. At times, he watched those miserable eyes closely until he lost count of the time. There was no way he wouldn't realize what was going on in Yokozawa's head right now.

But had those emotions in his eyes something to do with Takano and Ritsu or were they like that before the lift had stopped on this floor?

This was weird. Even Yokozawa had a love life - and apparently heartbreaks as well. It was difficult to think that someone as cold and restrained as the man had any notable feelings or emotions inside him...

And what was that longing gaze and those eyes which followed Takano's back? Longing for just love or longing for love from Takano?

He shouldn't be this interested about Yokozawa's love life when he had unsolved problems with his own too.

Yokozawa glared at the smirk on Yuu's face so bad that he found it slightly scary – he wasn't one to be so easily startled about things, but that glare was definitely something. The dark haired man backed off into the elevator and kept pushing the button to the ground floor until the doors closed. Yuu waved his hand merrily and then continued towards his destination. His thoughts were focused on whether he would find Takano and Ritsu making love somewhere ahead.

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><p><strong>AN2: Thank you for reading, please make a review if you have time ^-^ See you in the next chapter!**

**It takes still time to work on the chapter 2. ;_; The reason is that there were problems with the chapter 1 and it took time, and I have Final exams soon (all I would want to do is to write but...) F_F_F_F I try to get the next chapter ready quickly !**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hiya there XD I know it is nearly 2 months since I've updated, I'm really sorry ! The delay was because there were problems with the chapter one. I highly recommend you to read the chap 1 again ! There were changes on the plot, I wrote more explanation of those to the beginning of the previous chapter. I haven't forgot Yuu and Yokozawa, I think them every day ^-^**

**Thank you for my beta helping with this and**** I was also pleased to receive those reviews and favourite listings for the chapter one 8)  
><strong>

**Oh and, I found a perfect song to describe this story. Theme song? It is Take That's Patience. I could paste the whole song here, but maybe I put just a few sentences...**

_I'll try to be strong  
>Believe me I'm trying to move on<br>It's complicated but understand me._

_'Cause the scars run so deep_  
><em>It's been hard but I have to believe<em>  
><em>Just have a little patience<em>

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><p><strong>Chapter two<strong>

It was 9.14 AM which meant that Yuu was really late. He had overslept and that never happened to him... Today was going to be a terribly busy day so there was even less time to get the work done. Yuu hurried across the crosswalk and sprinted when the traffic lights turned red. His bag was continuously slipping down from his shoulder so he had to yank it up every other second. Yuu felt extremely unattractive. He hadn't had time to look at the mirror, but he knew he looked terrible; his hair was damp and sweat was running down along his back. He bet everyone else looked awesome there in Marukawa, because it was the beginning of the cycle.

Yesterday night hadn't been so successful. Yuu _had _visited Chiaki, but he wasn't the only one who had had that idea.

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><p><em>Yuu knocked on the door. He had to repeat that twice<em>_,__ because no one opened at first. He wondered if Chiaki wasn't home and that thought made him mad__,__ because if he wasn't lazing in his apartment, Yuu knew where he would be then. He knocked harder the second time. The door made a click and Chiaki's face came into sight. Yuu immediately pointed __out that Chiaki's cheeks were flushed red, that his hair was a mess and that his lips were swollen. In addition to that, he was panting__._

"_Um... I was... ha... sleeping and I rushed here so I... Hah... I am a bit out of breath," Chiaki tried to explain._

"_Oh," Yuu said. He lowered his eyes__ towards the man's crotch. There was a visible bulge in Chiaki's pants. Yuu raised his eyes._

"_Umm... this... you know," Chiaki stuttered. It was obvious what he had been doing and it became even more obvious when his face reddened. "I was masturb-"_

_The man who Yuu hated right down to the core of his heart appeared from behind Chiaki's__._

_Yuu glared at Hatori really hard. Hatori put his hand on Chiaki's shoulder. Yuu glared harder._

"_Maybe I'll visit tomorrow," Yuu murmured his voice full of hatred, which was clearly directed at Hatori. For Chiaki__, __Yuu made a cheerful smile__,__ which was so dazzling that it would have made anybody blind. Hopefully it would affect Chiaki, too._

"_Yeah!" Chiaki agreed happily and nodded vigorously. "It'll be fun!"_

_That night Yuu went to__ bed early, and had one of those terrible nightmares which he tended to see sometimes__._

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><p>Despite sleeping for a pretty long time, Yuu was late. Maybe it was a shock to realize that Chiaki and Hatori's relationship had already gone that far. Yuu had known that, but now the truth... not the truth... <em> the issue<em> had really came to his consciousness now. The right word to describe that wasn't _truth_, because Yuu didn't think it was the only truth that Chiaki was with Hatori. Chiaki and Yuu was a good option too.

He must have been depressed about that traumatic sight and it was probably what had made him sleep for so long and have nightmares.

There was a lot of rush in Marukawa department, but it was nothing new. And why was he here again? None fax machine had broken this time; one assistant had just collapsed yesterday so Yuu had been asked to replace her this morning. Being this late definitely didn't give a good impression so he could just hope he wouldn't lose his job over this and that he would continue to get such opportunities in the future.

Yuu was having a lot of difficulties in making his way to his destination - one of Marukawa's extra rooms. There was a pleasant mood in the building at the moment.

The lift stopped by for a moment on the floor where the Emerald section was located. One of the shoujo-section's workers walked past the lift.

"What a lovely day it is!" the man named Kisa chirped.

"Well..." Yuu began, but Kisa continued on his way before Yuu had time to complete his sentence.

It seemed that the beginning of the cycle was following the same pattern as always. If Yuu went to the room where the Maidens were, he would have noticed that there was a pretty pink atmosphere. Everybody had a shining smile on their faces and probably overly sappy thoughts in their minds. This period was fun and at that time Yuu knew why he had chosen this mad career.

When the lift continued its way Yuu suddenly began to feel dizzy. He hadn't had the appetite for breakfast, and he had thought that he could last until the lunch break, but apparently not. Something had to be done so that he could work the whole day.

Yuu left from the lift a floor below he had planned to. He licked his lips thinking about vitamin drinks and noticed that there was a disgusting taste in his mouth. Where was his toothbrush? What if _someone _wanted to kiss him now and he tasted this bad?

Which one was more disgusting: the taste in his mouth or the sight at the snack machine? Yuu crossed his arms and waited while the man in front of him bought whatever he happened to be wanting to**.** In the first place Yuu had intended to be calm and composed and buy his snack without saying a word. He tried to bite his tongue, but he wasn't able to keep his mouth shut. The last night had made Yuu too angry.

"You seem to have extremely bad taste," Yuu spat out.

The melon drink came from the machine and the man in front of Yuu was picking it up but after hearing Yuu's voice he looked startled and turned around.

"Yuu," the man named Hatori growled and clearly wasn't content when he saw Yuu's face that close to his own. They backed a step backwards at the same time. Hatori was even more un-talkative than usual so he only threw a sharp gaze on Yuu and left with his melon can.

Yuu's face flushed bright red. Hatori had somehow gotten the last word and Yuu was the one who had ended up sounding very childish. He wasn't going to lose to Hatori. There were many ways to make that man lose his cool.

"You know, if you serve something like that to Chiaki, the future doesn't look good," Yuu yelled after Hatori. The man stopped walking and his shoulders stiffened visibly.

"You know nothing about our future," he said through his clenched teeth.

Yuu bit his tongue angrily upon hearing the words "our future", because Chiaki and Hatori in the same sentence didn't please him at all. Nevertheless, he had pissed Hatori off.

"Stay away from Chiaki for today," Yuu told him bluntly. "I'm going to pay a visit."

About what happened next, Yuu wasn't entirely sure. He found himself shoved against the wall, Hatori's body flattened against him and he felt himself suffering from a severe lack of oxygen. "Ouch," Yuu yelped and tried to rub the back of his head, which had got hit against the wall, but noticed that he couldn't move his arms - Hatori still held them against the hard stone. Yuu pushed the man, whose eyes were blazing straight in front of his eyes, away but his arms were powerless and he felt dizzy again. The snack machine was right next to Yuu and he threw a longing gaze towards it. So close yet so far away.

It wasn't the first time they were in a situation like this. Last time they were both waiting for the rain to stop pouring under the same shelter. There, in front of the shop, Hatori had grasped him from the front of his jacket and pulled him in closer, and growled, "Stay away from Chiaki". Yuu had answered, "Same to you!"

"How long are you going to harass me?" Yuu huffed and tried to push Hatori away again. "I'm not in the best shape now so could you stop crushing me against the wall. I can't breath, you know?"

"I'm going to harass you as long as you harass Chiaki. He doesn't love you, you know?" Hatori hissed.

"Chiaki and I have more in common than you. You're not even interested in the same things!" Yuu cried out and closed his eyes for a second. He made an attempt to inhale, but failed because of Hatori's weight on him. Would it be too embarrassing to throw up on Hatori's lap?

"Think logically, Hatori," Yuu said.

"You share only the love for the Kan... I take care of Chiaki. I kiss him. He would never kiss you in the same way he kisses me."

"Then I could give it a try so that we know for sure. I'm not giving up on him," the man declared, a determined look in his hazelnut eyes.

It probably wasn't the wisest thing to say in that position. On the other hand, he would faint soon anyway. Flames began to rage in Hatori's eyes.

Yuu waited for the punch.

"What an earth is going on here?"

Hatori snapped his head towards the voice without releasing Yuu. The sudden appearance of that person distracted him and his grip loosened so Yuu could kick him away. The taller man made a pained groan, but didn't touch Yuu anymore.

Yuu's saviour was Yokozawa Takafumi who was watching the incident with one brow raised. Yuu found the gesture extremely funny.

"We have some unresolved issues," Yuu answered and rubbed his neck which had suffered under Hatori's tight grip. Hatori verified Yuu's words by nodding briefly. "Seems so," Yokozawa said and shook his head. There was that plain, bored expression on his face again. What a gloomy person Yokozawa was.

"Yanase, has anyone ever said to you that you shouldn't stick your nose into other people's business?" Hatori mumbled quietly after having turned his back to Yokozawa.

"I feel exactly the same for you," Yuu snorted without bothering to lower his voice.

He lifted his gaze just in time to catch a glimpse of dark brown hair which disappeared around the corner on the other side of the corridor. There was no way he wouldn't recognize that hair.

Hatori turned to look in that direction but didn't catch the dark brown strands. "Who was that?"

"Chiaki," Yuu said. "But why did he leave just like- oh crap!" Yuu recalled what he had blurted earlier and realized that Chiaki must have misunderstood his words. Hatori and Yuu stood close to each other, because they were arguing, but outsider could take that wrong. The perfect meeting of the lovers at the snack machine - though Yokozawa wasn't included in that. And their feelings weren't love-filled at all, because they both wanted to kill each other. Or something like that.

"Yanase, why you always have to cause troubles?" Hatori scowled and left to go after Chiaki. It bugged Yuu that Hatori had figured out what Chiaki felt as easily as Yuu. On the other hand, he wasn't the most difficult person to understand. At times it was slightly annoying that you could see everything he thought, but then again, it was so cute when he was pure and scatter-minded. These traits were what made Chiaki who he was, and because Yuu was fond of Chiaki, he was unable to not like them.

"I'll come with you." Yuu followed Hatori, but only about a few steps. He was forced to stop when Hatori threw a very angry glance at him.

"You are definitely _not_ coming, and stay away from Chiaki for the rest of the day," Hatori said and looked like he would push him against the wall again if Yuu went his own way.

It was depressing to be the one who had to stay behind. Yuu hoped Hatori would explain the whole situation to Chiaki, and not add any unfavourable words which might cause problems for Yuu. For example, he had better tell the man that Yuu didn't have feelings for Hatori.

Yuu snapped out of his negative thoughts when he heard the metallic noise of the snack machine. He remembered he was hungry after watching Yokozawa pick up his own juice and another one, which had fallen down before. Yuu's stomach growled loudly and that made Yokozawa turn towards him. The man held the juices in his hand for a moment and looked at Yuu blankly, but tossed then one of the two to Yuu.

"It's Hatori's. I like neither Hatori nor melon." Yuu threw the juice back to Yokozawa. Yokozawa raised his brows at this childish comment. The melon juice didn't remain long in the other man's hands; he tossed it to Yuu. _They acted like they were the supposed to be playing a game_, Yuu thought while staring the item which he again was holding on his hands. The lack of oxygen that Yuu still felt he was suffering made him think the weirdest things. Curiously Yuu raised his glance and waited for what Yokozawa would say next. He didn't have to wait long.

"I'm not a fan of melons, especially when they're mixed in this kind of mush, I prefer oranges. Take that to Hatori and remind him not to settle fights at his work place," the ink-haired man said.

"Okay, okay," Yuu sighed because of the lecture, but he thought that Yokozawa might not be that stupid of a person when he didn't like melons. He made a dazzling smile at Yokozawa. Yuu wasn't sure if it dazed Yokozawa or not – sometimes it had that kind of effect to people. Hatori was an exception; the smile actually seemed to make him annoyed. But that was probably because Yuu shined usually for Chiaki.

Anyhow, Yuu was in a good mood now. While drinking an orange juice he thought that he would call Chiaki in the evening and wouldn't care if Hatori didn't like that.

And when all the work of the day was over, he was going to make a visit to the shoujo-section. Next day Hatori would find a melon juice and a scribbled note on his table. "I won't give up." Hatori would surely kill him next time they met.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading, reviews are always welcomed ^-^<br>**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Well****,**** here is chapter three ^-^ It was nice to write at last in Yokozawa's PoV, I have just created Yuu's character so far. So there is some Yuu in the beginning, and Yokozawa at the end. Somehow I've written about Yuu and Chiaki a lot, despite that I don't like them together o_o But that will change soon ^-^ *relieved* I have introduced Yuu and Yokozawa's characters and the situation where they are, because I didn't want to just write about them together but show also their past feelings. But in the next chap there will be the meeting 8)))) Wah ! The (kinda) first meeting, I feel some pressure ...**

**And there are some bad news, my beta retired, in other words, she doesn't beta fics anymore 8( Now I'll need to find someone else to beta this G_G**

**I hope you'll enjoy and a review would make me really happy ! Any readers ? Ah and ! XD I'm sorry that I update so rarely 8(**

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><p><strong>Chapter three<strong>

The sun was shining brightly in the park. You could hear rustling when the wind blew through the leaves of the trees and that brought a fresh scent to the nose. Yuu lay on his stomach on the ground and felt the grass tickling his elbows. He had taken his socks off and wiggled his feet which were raised up to the clouds. And the best part of the thing was that Yuu saw Chiaki sitting on the grass in front of him and his warm smile made him feel like he was in a good mood.

Chiaki must have been feeling too hot, or maybe he just wanted to enjoy the sun's light touching on his skin, because he took his shirt off and tossed it next to him. Yuu felt his jaw drop and he noticed he was drooling. He closed his mouth and licked away the saliva from his lips. There was a predatory gaze in his eyes as he made his way to his prey, eyes locked on the innocent man's milk white back.

"Chiaki..." Yuu whispered in his ear and nuzzled him gently. He set his jaw on Chiaki's shoulder.

"Mmh," Chiaki mumbled. He had closed his blue eyes and there was no doubt that he was delighted to be there.

Yuu hesitated for a minute, but couldn't restrain himself from touching the dark brown-haired man in front of him. He wrapped his hands cautiously around Chiaki and let his hands wander on the other's chest. Chiaki was warm. And a surprise was that Chiaki didn't shove him away but leaned backwards so that his back was pressed against Yuu's chest. Yuu breathed sharply and let his hands run bolder and bolder along the pale skin; stomach, sides, neck. Perhaps Chiaki was dunce, as always, and thought this was some kind of friendly endearment. This theory worked so far when Chiaki moaned his name.

"Ahnn… Yuu, that feels so good…" the man inhaled deeply and whimpered.

The other man's eyes went wide. Yuu? Yuu? Did Chiaki say Yuu? He pulled Chiaki closer and squeezed tightly. His lips left a trail of butterfly kisses on Chiaki's neck.

Would he dare touch more?

Soon Yuu would kiss him on his tasty lips, and Chiaki would answer back. Hatori, where was that guy? Maybe Chiaki had finally dumped the man, that was the change Yuu had been waiting for, for ages. Soon he they would be dating and Yuu would take care of him, and do that damn better than Hatori had. His dream was coming true.

He lowered his hands and was planning to slide them along his sweet Chiaki's thighs which were hidden under the jeans, but he didn't get that far, because he was roughly torn off him. A confused expression made its way to Yuu's face. Suddenly Hatori was there and ruffling Chiaki's hair. He didn't pay any attention to Yuu. Yuu, who now sat on the ground, began to feel irritated. Didn't he at least deserve to be punched?

"Hatori, I'm a bit hungry," Chiaki stated. Hatori kissed the top of Chiaki's head and Yuu's heart was ripped to pieces.

The warmth faded and the world turned on its head. In the blink of an eye they were in a dark room which Yuu noticed was a living room in a certain mangaka's apartment. Realization shot Yuu and he figured out that he was dreaming.

Chiaki lay down on the couch and pulled Hatori, who was above him, closer, so that he could place a kiss on his lips. His eyes twinkled when their eyes met. There was no doubt that Chiaki loved Hatori deeply. Yuu didn't want to look, but his eyes were glued to those two, and he couldn't move his eyes from the sight. The man, who Yuu hated, set his hand on Chiaki's cheek and kissed him lightly. He nuzzled his nose against Chiaki's and that was actually even worse to watch than if they would have gone further. Though, Yuu would be seeing that looked so good while he lay there breathing rapidly, but seeing Hatori with him ruined the sight.

Yuu wished that he could be the one who touched Chiaki tenderly. Why, why did he look so happy? Because this was a nightmare. Hatori started to slide his hand until it reached Chiaki's thigh, which _Yuu_ was supposed to do. There was a visible blush on Chiaki's cheeks and he spread his legs.

All of it seemed so natural. Chiaki's fingers ran through Hatori's brown strands and stroked them gently.

"Yoshino, I love you," Hatori mumbled coarsely against Chiaki's stomach.

"I love you too." The end of the tinier man's sentence broke down into a high whimper when Hatori had set his hand under the waistline.

Yuu clenched his fists and stuck his nails in his palms, hoping the pain of that would get him to move.

He scrambled his way to where he guessed the door was. Warm tears kept dropping on his hands and he half-blinded by that when he bumped into a wall. He didn't look back, but heard the voices which came from the other side of the room. Yuu didn't want to know. He stumbled along the wall hoping that he would find the door soon.

The door stubbornly stayed shut and Yuu tugged at it with all the strength he had. He was scared that the doorknob would break and he would never get out. However, it gave in, and Yuu rushed out of the apartment. The door slammed shut behind him and Yuu fell down to his knees, panting. He leaned towards the door and set his back against it. When his breathing became steadier, it had gotten surprisingly quiet around him. The brooding silence wasn't better than Chiaki and Hatori's voices.

He was suffocating in the silence.

Teardrops flowed from his eyes and Yuu wiped his nose against his sleeve, because there apparently weren't served any tissues in the dream. Yuu lifted his hands to his chest and pressed them tightly against his heart, which felt like it was crawling out of his chest. An endlessly cold stream spilled inside of him and the earlier events flashed in front of his eyes. Yuu collapsed into a shaking lump on the floor and remained there, trembling. The breaths came out rasping, he couldn't breathe. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to whisper calming words to himself so that he wouldn't choke.

"We are meeting again."

Yuu opened his eyes and wiped them and his nose, again against his sleeve.

He raised his head to look at who saw him in this pitiful state. That looked a lot like Yokozawa. The figure was leaning against the white wall, actually there was that white everywhere that it hurt his eyes- and the man was smoking.

Neither said anything after that. Yuu had stopped crying and lay on the cold floor feeling empty and Yokozawa casually blew smoke from between his lips. The tobacco's smoke was hovering higher and higher in the air.

At some point Yuu's eyes opened. His eyes were achy from crying and that wasn't the only place which was aching. He felt so lonely he could die. He hid his head under the pillow and stared blankly into the darkness.

_Why am I breathing?  
>If only I could just stop breathing painlessly<br>Someone please help me  
>my heart yells out in loneliness<br>Even if I pretend to be tough  
>I want someone to find me soon<em>

* * *

><p>Yokozawa couldn't sleep. He was seeking the dream's darkness when he lay there with the blanket over his ears and head under his pillow. If he lay long enough under the blanket pretending that he was sleeping, maybe he would get some sleep. His attempt didn't work - being flattened against the bed ensured that he couldn't breathe properly. Yokozawa slowly pulled the pillow from the back of his head and let it slip to the floor next to the bed. The blanket had already been kicked down to his ankles. There was a clock on the nightstand and it was ticking steadily, and steadily it came closer to the morning, which meant that soon it would be time to get up. Yokozawa lay sprawled out on the bed, cheeks pressed against the mattress, and he sighed in frustration. His irritation woke him up, so Yokozawa decided that it was useless to try to sleep anymore.<p>

Sorata was sleeping on the couch, looking comfortable, which made him sigh again. If only he was a cat who got free food, petting – and lots of sleep. Yokozawa looked at his cat and wondered what kind of complicated emotions cats kept inside.

Over the time he had been living with Sorata over ten years, he had decided that pretty complicated. Sorata was his best friend nowadays, since his relationship with Masamune had... cooled down after their little chat.

Yokozawa felt ashamed of his confession, but more than that it hurt to be rejected.

How many days had it been since Masamune had turned him down?

…

Five.

It felt like a lifetime.

During those five days Yokozawa's daily rhythm has been stable; go to work, stay at work, go home. He had been trying to avoid Takano, which he had succeeded in doing, probably because they worked on different floors in Marukawa. The lift was dangerous, and every time he went there, and when he was there, his shoulders would stiffen, his hands would clench into the fists, and sweat would run along his back. Yokozawa didn't want to see Takano, but at the same time there was a burning sensation inside him - he wanted to see the other, hug him, and make sure he was alright. And everything would be like before.

During those five days Yokozawa had been regretting his confession. Had it been that necessary, if he had waited a little more, if he had started by throwing some hints, if he had kicked Onodera out of Marukawa, if his confession had been more romantic, if he had never said anything. Maybe his feelings would have begun to disappear. Little by little. Yokozawa felt that any other situation would have been better than this.

He was feeling so terribly bad. Yokozawa wanted to pick up the phone and press Takano's cell phone number all the time. Would he apologize? It required a lot of self-discipline to not call. At times, Yokozawa hated Takano and then he felt he was an awful person when thinking like that, but the flame of fury was still enraging. He felt so terribly bitter, because even though he had done his everything for Takano, and Onodera had done nothing, still Takano chose him. Sometimes Yokozawa was frightened of feelings like an urge to rip Takano's heart out of his chest, so that it would be his only, or that he wanted to slam Onodera against wall and punch hard. Yokozawa didn't do violence.

How could Takano survive without him? Was he even alive? Should Yokozawa go to check...?

Maybe this way Takano would learn to put value on that care he had gotten. Despite this thought he wasn't able to not to be worried. How long had he taken care of Takano? Now Yokozawa didn't have anyone to take care of and he had plenty of time to himself, but he didn't know how to take care of himself anymore. He didn't even know what he liked, what he wanted. Besides Takano.

Yokozawa let Sorata be after deciding that he would choose his cat's bride carefully.

The sun was shining outside, but that didn't move Yokozawa's heart. Yokozawa's apartment was located far from Marukawa and at the centre of the city, which made it slightly difficult for him to go to work, but you could see a park from the balcony, so that's why he preferred to live there. Sorata liked to take walks in the park.

Yokozawa was leaning against a steel railing and smoking. He casually blew smoke from between his lips and the tobacco's smoke was hovering higher and higher in the air. He had seriously considered stopping smoking, because it brought him painful memories of Takano. Yokozawa remembered the first time tried smoking, and Takano had coughed till there were tears in his eyes, which had got tears in Yokozawa's eyes, because he had laughed at Takano. The memory didn't set a smile on Yokozawa's lips.

How many obvious hints should he have dropped to Takano?

The heck, he had had ten years and there had been no progress. If only he had been more open, but being open was uncharacteristic for Yokozawa. He should apparently be different so that Takano would like him, but how to be different? He couldn't become cute like Onodera was. His thoughts were again going right back to the "what if's", and those thoughts had to be kept away.

He had wasted half of his life, the time which he could have used other things than now empty dreams.

Could there be anyone who was as pitiful as him? He highly doubted that. There were probably lots of people, who had had their heart crushed, but he didn't know anyone. That was because he hadn't been close enough to people, he had never talked about these kinds of things. Though it wasn't like he even wanted to do that... How embarrassing would that be to say that "I've been secretly in love for ten years."! Uh huh.

He should go out, let his life continue. How tiresome.

Didn't people usually go to bar to... hit on... someone else or have a one night stand after being rejected? Get insanely drunk, and have a lovely hangover the next day. But no one could be better than Takano. Takano had been the closest to him, the most precious. Usually people didn't meet many they could be close with or at least Yokozawa couldn't remember having those.

Yokozawa had already finished the cigarette, but had stayed on the balcony, shivering in the wind, watching the gray sun.

"Meow."

Yokozawa lowered his eyes to meet the balcony's floor. A smile.

_Why is it that even though my heart feels such loneliness  
>Why do I try so hard to push people away?<br>If I were to disappear from this world tomorrow  
>I'm sure that there wouldn't be anyone who would cry for me<br>I want to laugh and cry together with someone important to me_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The lyrics are from a song "My true self", I've listened Vocaloid's Miku and Kaito's versions but I think this may be someone else's song ?**

**Thx for reading !  
><strong>


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